29. 積光的杯子

我的心是個有千道裂縫的玻璃杯，我一直試圖向身邊的人求取關愛了解的滋潤注入，可是由於杯子不停漏水，所以無論得到多少，我依然感到内部空空毫不滿足，永遠空虛寂寞徨惑難安。

後來，一場漫長可怖的大病更把生存的痛苦、羞恥、驚怖、委屈推向了無法承受的邊緣，杯子亦面臨崩潰毀滅的終局。然而就在這絕望斷崖的慘烈盡頭，我卻赫然看見了彼岸的風光——那跨越時間、超越凡俗形相的、不屬於塵世的光輝！！

我終於明白了原來一切痛苦的根由皆是源自我的内心,内心的殘缺！！ 我開始俯拾碎片，一天一天的把這殘破損裂的杯子細細修補，並為它注入彼岸的金光清泉。 當裂痕逐漸減少，每天遭受的風暴 慌亂 窒息 掙扎 羞愧亦相對減輕，取而代之的是一點一滴積存加深的光明、清澈、修復、結連、再生……

29. A Cup that accumulates Lights

My heart is a cup that has a thousand cracks, once I had hoped to instill caring/recognition/understandings from the others, but since the cup’s leaking, however much I received, I still felt all the time drained/fearful/insecure/lonely.

Some years ago, the strike of a horrible disease pushed the fear/guilt/pain/shame of being to the extreme limit, and my cup was on verge of final breakdown.  Yet, at the very end of the ridge of despair, an unearthly light unexpectedly revealed itself,  a loving light that transcends time, distance, the visible and the physicals!!

I finally realized that all the traumas were originated from my own heart, my very brokenness and separation!!

So I started to pick up the pieces and mended the shattered cup bit by bit, and meanwhile tried to fill it up with the golden shimmering lights from up above the sky, year by year, day by day…

As the wounds ultra-slowly heal, the agonies attack each day correspondingly softened, and are displaced with tiny buildups of clarity/connection/reconciliation/recuperations…